When he says he loves me.

So sometimes I am emotional. Ok, so all you who know me know I am REALLY an emotional person. I cry when anyone else cries. I cry when I watch all movies...even cartoons! I cry when it snows, and I even cry every time my husband says he loves me. And that is the topic of this post.

For many years I searched. I searched for who I was. I searched for what I wanted to become and I searched for who I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. For many of you who know a lot of the struggles I have been through to discover the answers to all those (and still learning some) you know it has not been an easy road. My heart was broken left and right for YEARS and I searched for someone to fulfill me. Broken and lost loves, and loss of myself.

When I left Utah in April of 2008 I wasn't just leaving Provo for a change of pace, I was leaving to find me, and start new. When I arrived in Vegas I was on a complete boy fast. By that I mean I was not about to get my heart broken again or waist time with Mr. Wrong. I was there to enjoy time with new friends and be a part of my best friend Michelle and her children's lives.

My first weekend there I met Jared. I thought nothing of it because I literally for the first time was DONE with men. As time passed and I spent more time on knees and less time in tears I was learning who I was. Learning what I deserved and learning life was NOT always going to be easy. I finally was making sense of this crazy thing called LIFE.

When Jared and I started hanging out I learned more about myself and about what I deserved. I found there were people out there who could really love, and not just love as in relationship love, but love as in Christ like love. He loved me in a way I never thought anyone could and I for sure had never loved myself even that much. He taught me to love. What real love was. He taught me first and for most that I was worthy of all the love in the world. That I was a beautiful daughter of God and deserved every happiness. When I looked at him I saw his Christ like love and I was blessed for every minute I spent with him.

As we grew from best friends to lovers (in the sense that we loved each other) we grew together. He and I found the happiness we had always wanted. The first time he said he loved me he was ill, very ill and lying in bed doped up on thera flue. I took work off early to come and take care of him. Bring him medicine and soup. That was a night I will always remember. I realised that by loving him he learned to love me. Loving him by serving him. I shortly after told him I loved him as well.

Love became our essential bond. Love for one another and love for He who brought us our love and gave us love. Every time he told me he loved me my heart filled with warmth. I never imagined a love SO strong. My heart ached when he wasn't around and I grew fonder and fonder of his patience and love for me.

We are now married and living in a wonderful bliss of love. Now I would be lying to you if we didn't have our little disagreements or even fights, because we do. I have cried many tears of love for what we have. Every morning I wake up SO grateful the Lord blessed me with such a man. Every time he comes home from work I feel my face get flush with excitement and love. Even now as I write this my eyes are welled up with tears for the love I have for this great man.

When he says he loves me
I melt inside.

When he says he loves me
I am so glad I am his bride.

When he says he loves me
Time all stands very still.

When he says he loves me
My heart is open to his will.

I have learned that REAL marriage isn't about being perfect for each other or changing another person. It's about showing love and when you do that the other person and you change in a way that creates a REAL marriage. When you serve each other you learn to be exactly what you both need and deserve.

I love you honey and I will FOREVER and EVER! No one could ever love you as much as me and I promise you that!